Shit I Learned: Valentine's Edition


This is a feature that will occur, roughly whenever I feel like it. I will simply list the things I've recently learned and try to be funny about it. You will laugh and comment. I will get an ego boost. We all win.


1. When the fourth young man of the day, leans down to cough directly in your face while he tells you that he is sick, it is okay to fantasize about giving him a sharp kick to the kidney. Just don't actually do that. 

2. Walgreens jacks up the prices of their makeup during their buy one/get one half off sales. They were selling makeup certain kinds of makeup $3 more than it costs at CVS, Rite-Aid and Meijer.

3. I watch way more beauty vlogs than I should, considering how infrequently I wear makeup. And then I go out and spend fifty dollars on more makeup. And I'm never going to wear it.

4. On Valentine's Day, whether its 30 degrees or 13 degrees, there will always be girls in micro miniskirts, braving the horrors of frostbite in their nethers, while sashaying around in shoes they have no idea how to walk in just to impress someone who already wants to bone them. 

5. If you aggressively steal my parking spot, I'm a petty, petty bitch. Not only will I wait you out, no matter how long you sit in your car waiting for me to go away, but I will kindly shame the shit out of you in front of your pretty date. 

6. The best Valentine's Day gift is a 1lb package of Peanut Butter Cups, full stop. But perhaps not for a diabetic. Which isn't going to stop me from eating it. I ain't no quitter.