This Post Will Give You Cooties
Hubs and I have been a couple for going-on ten years but as of today we've been married for five of them. As a romance writer, I feel I must honor this occasion with a loving missive for the guy who puts up with just... so much bullshit and loves me anyway. Though not enough to watch Gossip Girl. Some things, not even love can do.
Can you believe it's been [small amount of time conflated to seem epic in scale when it's barely a drop in the bucket of our time on earth] years since we got married? You are [gross romantic declaration that will make my readers barf]. My best friend [amusing anecdote about how how my favorite peer viewed the relationship]. I knew you were the one [barely truthful statement about the nature of love and our ability to perceive it before it occurs] and I was right.
Without you [another romantic declaration that works more in theory than in the reality - a reality in which we are autonomous individuals who can function without one another, however sad that would make us]. I just wouldn't know how to be [sincere statement about the nature of accepting love when we aren't sure of our own value]. Happy [arbitrary block of time celebrated as a milestone based on our simple ability to tolerate one another enough to preclude the possibility of separating].
Your [closing words that will make our single friends roll their eyes until they fall out of their heads],